WINNIPEG, MANITOBA- The midsummer morning of vast central Canada began with a bang as the sun rose over the land. The sun, our star, shed its grace across the city of Winnipeg as a premonition of what was to become. The legions of fans looked on with the DCHL Cup in attendance at the local aerial combat live fire range (a new addition thanks to the new GM of the WINNIPEG JETS).
The announcement was a statement of sorts to the league and perhaps to the top 10 military powers as well. Some thought this would be an overhyped gender reveal using military equipment, others thought it was a promotion for the Director’s Cut of TOPGUN MAVERICK, instead, it was so much more.
A jet, a WINNIPEG JET swooped between buildings big and tall (does WINNIPEG have tall buildings?) for the short ones, it flew closer to the ground than a Honda Civic in a Fast and the Furious movie. The JET lifts, flies over home ice and releases flares. The crowd goes wild. Then it swoops back toward the target. The new town square of sorts and fires a laser guided missile directly into a paper machete SHARK. When the dust settles, there is nothing more except greatness. A bronzed statue of MIRO HEISKANAN is where the SHARK once rested.
But MIRO RESTS NO MORE.
As employees, well paid employees by the way, wheel off the statue toward the JETS’ home ice and pavilion, the NHL STAR/DCHL former SHARK is flown in with another JET and lands on the stage like he was Luke Skywalker flying an X-Wing. With a droid of his own in tow, he takes to the mic:
“As an NHL Star, I rule the Ice with STAR power. As a DCHL SHARK, I ruled the ice with sea power. As a DCHL JET, I will rule the simulation with SNOW POWER!” The crowd goes wild. The second coming of Duke Atreides be right before the eyes of the digital Canadian faithful. Was he supposed to say AIR POWER instead? No one seems to care. It all makes sense. Because after many twists and turns in the DCHL JETS history, it must make sense in some way.
For one man, watching over the festivities, with targeting data in one hand and a list of BOG jokes in the other, he merely hopes the franchise centerpiece was worth the cost. JOSH MORRISSEY and JT MILLER will be sorely missed. They are champions in WINNIPEG forever, but MIRO HEISKANAN is a talent of another breed and deserves his shot. Where else to seek the edge of glory than in the reigning championship city? Where else to make your legend than as the new franchise blueliner of one of the DCHL’s most headline grabbing teams.
For the GM, none of it matters if the wins do not come. As the JETS switch from missiles to guns to the delight of the digital Canadian people he ponders deeply. For the GM, sipping on his tea, he finds comfort in the fact he doesn’t need MIKE GILETTO to break a story, but sits with one concern- This better work when the season starts.
This was TIMOTHY T. REX REPORTING